When I began blogging, I thought it would inspire me to finish my novel. To stretch and strengthen my creative chords, to give and receive literary and mainstream thinking — to finish what I’ve been writing and not writing for the past few years.
It has turned into something that takes a great deal of time. Hubby constantly asks me, “When’s the last time you worked on your book?” I look at him and say defensively, “ I have to answer these comments and I have to go comment on other’s blogs and I have to write these bios this week and I have to….” I run out of steam because really, they’re just excuses. I’ve become quite adept at coming up with them.
In order to write something, ANYTHING creative, I decided to write a little blogger’s tale. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, but if you find yourself in there, it’s no one’s fault but your own. You’ve liked me, commented on my blog and I’ve commented on yours. I guess you can say your blog and you have inspired me. If you’re not in there, it’s just because I don’t “know” you that well yet or I’ve not heard from you in awhile. If you don’t follow or know about these blogs, this will probably be confusing to you. Apologies in advance if so.
Let’s call this magical realism, with a bit of fantasy thrown in, ‘cause after all we’re all real people inside a collective thing we call the blogosphere, blogging world or somewhere “out there.”
(My blogger’s tale was inspired by Maggie and Madame Weebles, the latter writing recently about writer’s block). I need to work on dialogue, so there’s plenty of that below. Please read, comment, give me your critiques. I can take it. I’m not scared. Well I’m a little scared. And sensitive.
A Bloggers Tale
Once upon a time there were several bloggers. They came from all walks of life, all over the planet, each having a unique style and tone. Some of them were funny, some poetic and writerly and others fiercely opinionated. But, all of them shared the same thing: They inspired someone at some time with what they had to say. They had the followers to prove it.
Bianca, who liked to think of herself as a diplomatic and kind individual led the group on this day (she could only do this in the blogging world, since she sucked at public speaking, terrified of talking in front of groups and often hyperventilated when forced to do so). But not here. Not on this day.
“I’ve brought you all here today to comment on each other’s blogs. Let’s begin with a positive affirmation — let’s find the best thing about each other’s blogs before we critique. With my Blatherings, people have come to expect that from me, I think.” Bianca stood there with a benevolent smile on her face.
“Oh God, here we go. You write one freakin’ blog on blogging, get Freshly-Pressed and all of sudden you think you’re the guru for nice blogging,” Megan, someone who happened to be there, among the bloggers said to the others.
She’d just returned from running in tony neighborhoods and had been forced out of one of them for flashing someone. “I got wine, everyone!” Megan poured herself a big glass and began passing it around. She wiped sweat off her toned arms and pulled her blonde hair back into a ponytail.
Sir Sweak turned his cap around on his head so that the bill faced the back and said, “You know there’s something swell about all this and something lame…if you ask me… and I know about this because I’ve been Freshly Pressed three times, what’s swell is….”
“I believe we have a blogger under 21 here, Megan,” Bianca interrupted. She gestured toward a sweet, young woman whose blogs were about traveling, school and such.
“Hi,” Evie said. “Nice to meet everyone. I’ve been traveling and my posts have been brief, but I’ll…”
“It’s blogging wine, not the real stuff, for God’s sake, Bianca, lighten up!” Megan dug glasses out of a bag and passed them out.
I may be a crazy chick, but I’d rather have a gin and tonic,” JT said and started singing, just like the white-winged dove…
“Feckin’ pass it over here. Did my blog suck today? I hope so because I got Freshly-Pressed after I wrote about it sucking. Where’s my Lovesy? Saucy Minx looked around and then dropped down into a downward facing dog pose.
“The view looks pretty good from here,” Micky said to Saucy. He walked around, never quite settling or sitting, he had a tendency to roam about.
“I will take you down, Mickey if you say something like that again. I don’t play on your team brother.” Saucy stretched up to a tree pose, glaring at him. “If I don’t do my yoga poses, I’m going punch someone. I’m an a-hole avenger.” She brought her hands together in front of her chest, as if in prayer, and looked heavenward.
“I’m taking notes here to rewrite this into one of the chapters I’m writing,” Ruby said. “I can’t decide if I want it to be first-person, third-person omniscient or second person. With my novel coming out in the fall I want to…” She turned her head and glared at her nemesis, a nasty piece of work that only she could see and hear.
“Why not go with first-person plural? I thought I’d pop in and see if anyone wanted to do a guest post,” a fair-haired lady with a British accent said. “No? Well, not to worry, I’ve got loads of guests on my blog!” She began scanning her blog for comments on her latest guest post, her brightly painted nails, making a click-click sound as she tapped keys.
“That may be just the write transition,” Ruby said, thanking the fair-haired lady.
“I’m from Ala-freakin-bama! Why don’t you summon up the strength to make a decision? Trust me, I know about obstacles, “ a newbie to Bianca’s Blatherings and Diane Lane look-alike said.
“I’ve never been to Alabama. I think I’d like it. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll write a poem about it…write now,” an elegant, soft-spoken lady from Ireland said as she pulled out a notebook and began writing.
Suddenly, a Mysterious madame swept into the room. She wore an 18th century ballgown and cape and a gray cat with glowing eyes sat on her shoulder. She looked at everyone, drew an antique fountain pen out of corseted bosom, flicked the nib with her tongue and began scribbling in a leather-bound, ancient notebook.
“I’m here to figure out who’s the hottest blogger,” Mysterious said.
“I thought you only saw hot dead guys,” someone yelled out. “And chicks,” this from another.
Mysterious scanned the blogosphere trying to figure out where those comments came from. She raised one eyebrow and her gray cat, raised a paw, claws extended and hissed.
“Okay, let’s begin again. How about we all smile and start over?” Bianca suggested and reminded everyone to comment and follow, comment and follow.
“SHUT UP,” all the bloggers yelled in unison.
How did everything get out of control? Bianca took a deep breath and tried a different tactic. This was becoming an unruly group and she just knew if could come up with something inspirational, all would be well.
“I know, let’s decide on a theme song to christen those of us gathered here.” Bianca looked at all the bloggers and waited for suggestions. Everyone ignored her, not commenting, not liking and talking amongst themselves. I know just the song, she thought to herself.
“How about Everything is Beautiful?” Bianca sang a few bars, her smile fading as everyone stared.
“What is this, the Mickey-Mouse Club?”
“What are we 12 years old?”
“Why do we have to have a feckin’ song anyway?”
“Who’s the hottest dead musician/singer out there? Let’s go with that one.”
The bloggers continued with their comments and after a few likes and dislikes came to a mutual understanding, agreement and respect for one another and all their differences of opinions. And the blogosphere noted this and said that it was good.
They all blogged happily ever after.
THE END.
(Push play below to hear the theme song they decided to go with.)
Brigitte's Banter 
Reblogged this on WordPress Report.
Posted by wordpressreport | May 30, 2012, 11:21 amThanks for the reblog. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 12:12 pmHahahah funny :). Recognised one person you were talking about tho. Xx
Posted by luckyluwi | May 30, 2012, 11:22 amDid you? :). Glad you enjoyed and nice to see you again, Luwi. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 11:40 amI recognized one or two. 🙂 Very clever!
Posted by Fish Out of Water | May 30, 2012, 11:26 amHa-ha! Thank you. I think we visit some of those same blogs. Gotta visit you more often. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 11:43 amI recognize some of these blogs – this was funny and clever – needed some lightness to face a mid day this mid week.
Posted by on thehomefrontandbeyond | May 30, 2012, 11:48 amSo glad you found it so. Thanks so much for the comment/critique. Much appreciated!
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 11:52 amYou are fast becoming a favourite of mine, and I am not saying that to be featured in a future blog story.
Posted by on thehomefrontandbeyond | May 30, 2012, 11:55 amLOL! I resemble that remark. Diane Lane? Really? Hilarious!
Posted by Honie Briggs | May 30, 2012, 11:50 amUh, yeah! With that scarf on your head on your about me page, you do, you do! Glad you enjoyed and thanks! :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 11:53 amTo your post….I too need to work on writing dialogue. I had a reader tell me I describe conversations instead of let the characters speak for themselves. He recommended I do an entire rewrite and describe the sex instead of conversations. He writes porn, so wtf does he know?
Posted by Honie Briggs | May 30, 2012, 12:11 pmi wonder if blogging has slowed down my novel writing instead of helped it. i do get feedback, and that helps. can’t ignore or devalue that.
Posted by rich | May 30, 2012, 1:09 pmIt slows it down for me, but then if I just sit down and began writing (for me), it has helped. If nothing more than the simple fact that writing frequently improves writing period, don’t you think?
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 1:12 pmi do think, but i also think that sometimes my attention on the blog should be on the novel. then i start writing more chapters, and then i’m way behind on reading the blogs i follow, which i feel obligated to do. grrr. when do i get a 48 hour day?
Posted by rich | May 30, 2012, 1:18 pmKnow exactly what you mean. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 1:21 pm🙂 so nicely put …and yes blogging does take up way more time then I ever thought
Posted by jensine | May 30, 2012, 1:28 pmThanks and maybe time to rethink a bit. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 1:38 pmmmmhhh yes maybe
Posted by jensine | May 30, 2012, 1:43 pmOh, very clever! And I also recognize some of the blogs. 🙂 And I can relate to the time drain of the blogs. They’re supposed to support our WIPs, not the other way around!
Posted by jmmcdowell | May 30, 2012, 1:51 pmThank you, JM. Lately, for me, it seems to be that other way around.
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 1:59 pmClap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap!!! Brava! BRAVA!! And I’m not just saying that because I recognized myself and a bunch of other people in there! I liked it because the dialogue felt very naturally occurring–it didn’t feel forced or contrived. And the narration was light and fun and you could practically picture all of these people in a room together. I liked it extremely.
Posted by Madame Weebles | May 30, 2012, 4:48 pmMW, that means alot coming from a scholarly writer such as yourself. (Me humbly bowing accepting your accolades and applause). Glad you happened by here today. It’s a real scene here sometimes, man. ;).
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 5:18 pmBrava!!! I knew the song within a just a couple of notes!! Just did some drunk dancing to this last weekend!
xo
megan!!
Posted by Maggie O'C | May 30, 2012, 5:50 pmWOO-HOO. :). Thanks for that, Meggie.
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 5:52 pmThis is great Brigitte and many thanks for including me at the meeting. I think you nailed how the exchange would have gone. Very fun to read and glad to see some blogs I recognize and some that I am yet to discover. Bravo!
Posted by Simon | May 30, 2012, 5:51 pmAlways nice to have friends in low-w-w places. Thanks. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 5:53 pmdelightful – loved it!
Posted by dianasschwenk | May 30, 2012, 8:04 pmThanks so much, Diana. Glad you found it entertaining. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 9:44 pmi think i recognized a few people in there! funny 🙂 well done!!
Posted by Emi | May 30, 2012, 9:40 pmHope you recognized you. :). Thanks, Emi. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 9:43 pmI did! But I wasn’t positive and I didn’t want to be presumptuous!
Posted by Emi | May 30, 2012, 10:19 pmNo worries, Evie. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 31, 2012, 8:40 amYa got me pegged pretty good here! 🙂
Posted by Emi | May 30, 2012, 10:20 pmLove it. And I LOVE that song!
Posted by SzaboInSlowMo | May 30, 2012, 9:44 pmHA! Thanks, isn’t it great? I love that song too. Thank you. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 30, 2012, 9:45 pmum, i feckin’ laughed out loud at this. SEVERAL times. and not just at “minx’s” parts. seriously, it was AWESOME. you have to write more dialoguey thingies. and ohhhhhh, wifesy says that same sh*t to me all the time…’hun, how is your book comin’ along…’ my answer: i don’t feckin’ know, i have to blog! this blog is not going to write itself and downward dog. 😉 much love, sm
Posted by sweetmother | May 30, 2012, 10:16 pmHa! so glad I gave you a laugh, SM and thanks so much for the comment. I’m in swan pose right now. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 31, 2012, 8:39 amThis is great. I laughed so much because I recognize myself and others. The dialogue was fantastic. Well done!
Posted by judysp | May 31, 2012, 1:42 amThank you! Not sure who this is, but so appreciate your comment. :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 31, 2012, 8:37 amHI Brigitte,
I am so sorry that I didn’t leave my name. It was rude of me. I really enjoy your blog and look forward to your posts. cheers Judy
judysp.wordpress.com (Daily Thoughts)
Posted by judysp | June 1, 2012, 2:33 amVery funny and very clever Brigitte. I was only thinking myself that I must take a break for a few days. This blogging world can overtake one’s life! 🙂
Posted by floatingwiththebreeze | May 31, 2012, 6:50 amThank you! And you’re right, it most definitely can!
Posted by Brigitte | May 31, 2012, 8:34 amHa ha ha…brilliant!!!
Xx
Posted by Vikki (The View Outside) | May 31, 2012, 11:07 amHow are those guest posts going anyway, fair-haired lady? :).
Posted by Brigitte | May 31, 2012, 11:09 amLMAO 🙂
All the typing is wearing my nails down 😉
Xx
Posted by Vikki (The View Outside) | May 31, 2012, 11:43 amWhat a clever post! I recognized some of these bloggers, which is really great, because I’ve never been one of “the group.” Now I can say I was. For a few seconds, anyway. 🙂
Posted by crubin | June 1, 2012, 12:03 pmThanks! Hope you can keep Mr. Nasty Pants at bay for awhile, unless of course, he needs to come out. Don’t feel as if I’m one of the group myself sometimes; I just force my way in and shamelessly plug my blog whenever/wherever I can.
Posted by Brigitte | June 1, 2012, 12:05 pmHa ha! Love your technique. As for Mr. Nasty Pants, if I don’t hear from my editor soon, considering my book is “supposed” to come out in the September, my ugly panted nemesis will no doubt start making a daily appearance.
Posted by crubin | June 1, 2012, 12:09 pmSuch an entertaining tale! Now knock it off and go work on your book. 😉
Posted by legionwriter | June 1, 2012, 10:21 pmThank you! :).
Posted by Brigitte | June 28, 2012, 10:28 amI may have done some yoga this morning (she said laughingly….I may have watched the DVD and just sat on my mat more like) but I don’t believe I’ve ever found it necessary to use the expression “I’m an a-hole avenger”….so it can’t be me.
Brilliant post Brigitte and an excellent example of how blogging really is fodder for creativity.
Posted by wordswithnannaprawn | June 2, 2012, 6:31 amWhy thank you — that’s nice coming from a fun, lively and humorous blogger such as yourself. :).
Posted by Brigitte | June 2, 2012, 11:20 am