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I always considered this day, Valentine’s Day a silly holiday.  Never gave it much thought but I liked it when someone sent me something to tell me that they loved me.

I would normally get roses sent to me on this day with a card that read:  “Brig, I love you, Sweetheart, Daddy.”  Or I’d get a card stating I was a beautiful, wonderful daughter and it would be signed, “Brig, I love you, Sweetheart, Daddy.”

I didn’t get that today and I won’t be getting that again from him.  I don’t know why I’m even writing this because he’s left this life and I don’t know how yet to go through life without him being in it.  But I’m going to have to and I thought I’d honor him today with a few inept words because that’s all I have right now.

He was an intensely private person but I don’t think he’d mind me doing this.  Maybe I’ll write more about who he was someday when I can.  When I can do so with words worthy of the man he was.  I don’t know when that will be.  But some of you have emailed me asking me where I’ve been and I’ve answered you.  Thank you for caring and for your kind words of comfort — thank you.

But right now, I’m going to pause and I’ll see you when I see you.  I’m going to try and figure some stuff out.  Try to make some sense out of this.  I will because that’s what he would want me to do, feel better and get on with things.  I’m guessing it will get better.  I’ve not been through this before so I’m feeling my way through, getting comfort from people I love and love me and giving that comfort back.

Happy Valentine’s Day.  I hope you have a beautiful one.  He’ll always be my first hero, he was my Mom’s hero — and I love him deeply and I always will.

About Brigitte



51 thoughts on “Pause

  1. I’m so sorry, Brigitte. This is a lovely tribute to your dad, and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind one bit. You’re a strong and caring woman and the bond you share with your dad is evident. Even though your dad’s not here to tell you he loves you, his love has made you who you are and will be with you forever. Happy Valentine’s Day. Lots of love to you. ~Carly xox

    Posted by Carly | February 14, 2013, 6:17 pm
  2. Oh, Brigitte. I’m so, so sorry. I feel so helpless at times like this, because I know there’s nothing I can say to make the pain go away. I think, however, that as you get further from the loss, the significance of the time you spent down there recently will grow. Because here’s one thing I know with complete and total certainty: when you think back on your dad, and all the times he took care of you and came through for you, it will be a WONDERFUL feeling when you realize, “And when He needed ME, I was there.” It’s worth more than gold. You’ll see.

    Posted by Smaktakula | February 14, 2013, 6:37 pm
  3. Dearest Brigitte,
    Your Dad would want you to do whatever you could to feel better. And my sense is that he is so proud of you and grateful for the time he had with you this past year. Grieving just takes time. I am so sorry for your loss and I’m sending you love and gentle healing energy to soothe. And I may check in with you from time-to-time to let you know I’m thinking of you…

    Posted by Cathy Ulrich | February 14, 2013, 7:09 pm
    • Cathy, I think you are right. I don’t know. But I do know he was always proud of me and I’ll take your love and healing energy — I’ll see what the next few days will bring and with all these wonderful people — you included — stopping by, it’s so nice, so nice to receive these warm thoughts. Thank you.

      Posted by Brigitte | February 14, 2013, 7:27 pm
  4. Oh, Brigitte, I’m so sorry. I knew something was up. I’m sorry for your loss. I bet your dad is with you today in some way, looking down on you telling you he loves you. If I can be of any help, please let me know. Big hug. ~Amy xo

    Posted by The Bumble Files | February 14, 2013, 7:09 pm
    • Amy, he is with me telling me he loves me. I still feel him. I think you mentioned me in one of your posts and that is so kind and thoughtful of you. I’ve just not taken time to respond but thank you my friend. xo

      Posted by Brigitte | February 14, 2013, 7:28 pm
      • I did mention you, but no worries. Don’t even think about it. You got enough on your plate, Brigitte. Take things however you need to. I’m here if you need me.

        Posted by The Bumble Files | February 14, 2013, 9:23 pm
  5. Oh, Brigitte, I’m so sorry to hear this. I know how difficult it is to lose a parent. Know that your words are beautiful and your feelings are normal. Your father will live on in your memories, and in your time you’ll take comfort in them. Think of how you and your family best remember him and the wonderful times you had together. Not even time can take those from you.

    You’ve had to deal with so much in recent months, but you have many friends who wish you well and are here to help you through the rough times. You’re in our thoughts, and we’re here if you need us. Know this — your father gave the world a wonderful gift in you.

    Posted by jmmcdowell | February 14, 2013, 7:13 pm
    • JM, I don’t know how to feel. I find myself trying to go out and do things and I’ll be okay and then I won’t be okay. I know this is a process but it’s a painful one and I’ve looked at pictures over and over. I’m so lucky to have all of you — you are such a warm and sweet human being and I thank you so much for your kind words.

      Posted by Brigitte | February 14, 2013, 7:30 pm
  6. I am so sorry to hear about your father’s passing Brigitte. He has left a fine legacy and you are so fortunate to have had such a wonderful spirit in your life. How cool that this song was one of his favorites — he was really ‘happening’. Take care of yourself Brigitte and keep your father’s spirit alive.

    Posted by Sandee | February 14, 2013, 7:48 pm
  7. So sorry, Brigitte. My thoughts are most definitely with you. I like what JM said “your father gave the world a wonderful gift in you.” He did, indeed.

    Posted by Carrie Rubin | February 14, 2013, 7:53 pm
  8. Big hugs Brigitte, that’s all I have. May love and light be yours.

    Posted by JackieP | February 14, 2013, 8:02 pm
  9. Life is definitely not the same without our Daddies. I wrote a bit about it last year sometime on my blog… it helps–the writing. You might want to give that an attempt, Brigitte. Actually, there’s a lot more I want to write about my Dad… not so much just the missing part, but the good memories. It kind of brings him back for a bit, and ultimately I think I feel better. Hugs to you, sweetie!! xxxxx

    Posted by Swimming In The Mud | February 14, 2013, 9:32 pm
  10. Sending you much sympathy and virtual hugs. My Dad died in 1979 and I still miss him. It will get easier with time. Take care of you and my sympathies to your family.

    Posted by exceedingspeed | February 14, 2013, 9:43 pm
  11. So, so sorry to hear about your dad’s passing, Brigitte. Life’s been pretty rough these past couple of months but know that all of us (myself included) are thinking of you and hoping to support you in whatever ways we can. I’ll be thinking of you as you take some time off to process, figure things out, grieve. Sending lots of love, strength, and positive energy your way.

    Posted by lillianccc | February 15, 2013, 12:31 am
  12. Brigitte, I’m hugging you right now. I am so sorry about your dad. I noticed that you were MIA but I thought maybe you and the hub were away. I’m glad you were there for him and that you had time with him recently. He sounds like a wonderful man and I’m glad you had him with you for as long as you did. I’ll be thinking of you much, please take care of yourself.

    Posted by Madame Weebles | February 15, 2013, 1:10 am
  13. I am so sorry about your Dad, Brigitte. Wherever your dad is, he’s looking on you with pride and love. Many hugs and good thoughts coming your way.

    Posted by rollergiraffe | February 15, 2013, 1:33 am
  14. Please take care…

    Posted by unfetteredbs | February 15, 2013, 6:47 am
  15. You’re in my prayers, Brigitte. xoxo

    Posted by A Gripping Life | February 15, 2013, 8:56 am
  16. Dear Friend,

    I stopped getting my cards a few years ago, and, I still miss them every year, just as I miss him every day. I know that empty place you speak of, and, I’m sorry you have it in your life. Wishing you peace.



    Posted by Addie | February 15, 2013, 9:10 am
  17. Sending you so much love now.. I understand completely how you feel..

    Posted by free penny press | February 15, 2013, 9:34 am
  18. There is never enough words or hugs to take care of someone who has lots their father… and I know what I’m talking about. I just wish there was a way to take the pain away, at any age, this is one of the most painful.
    Just know, that from the other side of the computer, lots of people send you their best, their friendship and their love. Even if that won’t take the pain away. maybe it’ll ease it just a tiny little tat…

    Posted by Les Petits Pas de Juls | February 15, 2013, 11:31 am
  19. I believe “adept words” is what you were looking for. Take care.

    Posted by danakorneisel | February 15, 2013, 4:41 pm
  20. Hey Brigitte, I have noticed your absence. It was conspicuous to me. Since my own father’s health is in decline, and that weighs heavy on my mind, I was wondering about how your dad was doing. I am so sorry for your loss. My mother checked out almost 14 years ago following an illness that engulfed the entirety of the 1990s, so I am familiar with what it’s like to grieve the loss of a much loved parent. Over time you do heal and although the void that’s left is never filled, you do cope. Forgive the cliche, but now your dad will live on in you. If you’re anything like who you are on your site in real life, and I suspect you’re even cooler to know in The Real World, I am sure he was very proud of you.

    Posted by lameadventures | February 16, 2013, 7:52 pm
    • Hi V, nice to be missed – thank you. It is difficult watching a parent go through an illness and I so hope your Dad’s health improves. It’s comforting to know that it gets better and the people that have stopped by to share this with me — yourself included — well, thank you. Thanks so much for your kind words — V, they mean so much.

      Posted by Brigitte | February 18, 2013, 9:12 am
  21. My heart breaks for yours as you mourn and celebrate your dad. Such a special relationship between dads and daughters. I will always miss my dad but it is not as raw as it once was. Hugs~

    Posted by erinambrose | February 17, 2013, 10:07 pm
  22. (((((hugs))))) honey 😦


    Posted by Vikki Thompson | February 21, 2013, 5:35 am
  23. So sorry to read this Brigitte. My Dad has been gone for 23 years yet I still feel his presence. I’m sure your Dad will be with you for the rest of your life. He’ll find a way to send you roses when you least expect it. He sounds like he was a wonderful man. Take care. Teresa 🙂

    Posted by floatingwiththebreeze | February 22, 2013, 1:54 pm
  24. Oh, I can’t stand myself for just reading this now. I didn’t know you were MIA because I had turned off notifications while I was swamped doing other stuff. Dang it. I’m so sorry. You have written about your dad and your connection with him. Take your time. I still find letters from my dad but can’t read them. I just look at his handwriting and now I’m crying. Take your time. Be kind to yourself. I have written some stuff about my dad but I can’t seem to capture him.

    Love to you Brig and I’ve got the notifications back on so I can play catch up.

    xoxox mags

    Posted by Maggie O'C | February 27, 2013, 4:31 pm

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