I’m not a patient person but I’m working on it.
As most of you know, I’ve been
whining talking about not being inspired lately. I’ve read the same from some of you. That feeling of “eh,” or as others say: Meh.
I don’t know if it’s the heat, the funky doldrums I’ve found myself in lately or just becoming very impatient with myself to shell out some pearls of wisdom. I’ve started posts, then read them and think — Nah, you’re not posting that!
So…I’ve waited until I could deliver something that may resonate with all you talented, nice bloggers that take time out of your day to make a comment. Sometimes you just have to wait it out, let the dust settle.
The Other Me
I don’t know if any of you have journaled throughout the years. I have. I’ve got so many of them since I was about thirteen. I have no idea what I’m going to do with them all. Every once in awhile, I’ll pull one out and read about the thoughts, trials and tribulations that, that other me went through.
Some of them were doozies and I read her now and feel very loving and patient toward her — now. She berated herself a lot. She expected very high standards of herself but not of others. She was far more patient with people than she was with herself. When she “messed up,” she treated herself with derision and disrespect. Not others, mind you. Just herself.
I realize that a lot of the things I went through was because I wanted my life to go this way or that way and I made the most “mistakes” when I tried to forcibly steer it. Even if something wasn’t right (and Good Lord, the signs were there), I’d plunge headlong into it anyway because I didn’t have the patience to wait.
But, as I’ve gained wisdom, compassion and PATIENCE I began to see a pattern. Once you see that — a pattern and become attuned to why you do the things you do, you can change it. It takes awhile, but you can change it. And you learn so much.
Patience has a lot to do with that. And part of being patient is to know that doing nothing at all until you receive some sort of feeling, sign, voice — whatever — it’s different for all of us. But it does come eventually, that knowing of what you need to do.
Breaking Through the Clutter
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, Nothing can bring peace but yourself. Have you ever thought you have to defend your beliefs, your opinions or for lack of a better word, fight, to get your message or who you are across to someone? It never works out when you approach it from a defensive stance. It works when it comes from a place of peace, patience. One of the best things I ever read (and I’ve read all sorts of things from different religions, viewpoints, etc.) and seriously, they all share the same common thread — it’s about that — patience, love, acceptance and peace. Once you acquire that, no one can take away it away from you.
Buddha said something like if someone’s trying your patience, trying to undermine you or make you feel as if your beliefs (which is who you are) are wrong, then you should just step back and answer them with peace.
In other words, have the strength and patience to say: You may be right. And let it go, walk away.
Whatever the argument is or the attack on you or your character. You’re not agreeing, you’re just diffusing the anger. And really, when someone attacks you or your beliefs, it’s coming from a place (theirs) of anger and misunderstanding.
It’s difficult, but it works every time. That simple, You may be right. Try it. You’ll find that all that toxic angriness just dissolves and you walk away, still having those things you hold dear intact. Words have weight and I’ve learned that patience is one of the best gifts I can give others and myself.
A dear friend who’s not in the physical world with me anymore (the anniversary of losing him was last week); that probably has much to do with how I’ve been feeling lately. It crept up on me — that day. I still talk to him. He was my best man at my wedding. (yeah, hubby had one and so did I — this friend was with me and my bridesmaids in all our pictures) and I miss him. He was one of those friends, the kind that stick with you no matter what you’re going through.
He always said to me, “B, you gotta live your life for you. No explanations, no apologies, no regrets. Be patient with yourself and everything will work out.”
He was right. I hope that if you’re struggling with a decision or something in your life today, you’ll have the patience to wait for that clarity you need. Be patient, it’ll come.
Happy “late” Monday everyone and thanks for having the patience to read to the end.free your mind, pearls of wisdom, clarity, be you
I’m sorry about the loss of your friend, B. Anniversaries can be very difficult.
“You may be right” is a good phrase. I don’t use it enough, that’s for sure. I’ve gotten better over the years at letting stuff go rather than clamping onto them like a pit bull. But it’s still a tough one for me. If I were to ask myself, “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be at peace?” my answer is still too often, “Both!”
Thanks, Weebs. I know…I don’t always do it, but I’m getting better at it! And yeah, I’d rather have both too. But really, you’re already “right” to begin with, yes? At least what you believe and the people that get you. And really, that’s all that matters anyway, right? Thank you. On Aug 14, 2012,
“You may be right.”—I love that. A perfect response, because, you’re right, a defensive stance is usually unsuccessful and just adds fuel to the fire.
I never kept journals. Now that I’m writing, I wish I would have, just to provide clearer details of my “past” life.
I know. It’s not like you’re saying — You’re right or you win. You’re just indicating a “possibility” without letting someone trample all over your own beliefs. It’s weird reading the “you” you were at another time in your life. Great fodder for novels too. 😉 On Aug 14, 2012,
Husband is so patient. It blows me away. Me, not so much. I’m getting better with age. Having beaten my head against the wall for years and years has helped too. “You may be right”. That’s so simple, yet so profound. I don’t know if I can bring myself to use the “r” word when I KNOW I’m the right one. 🙂 Maybe I can settle on just not getting into some of those conversations to begin with. They usually never end well.
I know what you mean, Fish. Hubby is the same way — so patient, he has to be, being married to me! :). I don’t know…I don’t think it’s relinquishing your power or “giving in.” And you’re always right — to you anyway. ;).
Brigitte – I always enjoy your posts and learn something from them – patience is not a virtue that comes easily to me either; sorry about the loss of your friend–sometimes that is just enough undercurrent to throw things off
I like the answer :you may be right–I can see how that could diffuse so many situations — I am going to give it a try-thanks for this post
Thanks Lou Ann, that’s nice to know! And thank you for your sympathy — much appreciated. Hope it works for you (the you may be right thing), it has for me more than a few times. :). On Aug 14, 2012,
I’m a journal writer too.. one day (actually it was on my summer list of things to do that I have not yet done) i want to go through and edit into one journal for my kids/grandchildren.. The sad part is I seem so lonely as a teen b/c I was very shy…
Hi Lynne. Sounds as if you’ve got some good material there for a memoir — yes? I keep meaning to do that as well, put mine into some kind of larger context. But some of that stuff is great for novels — with the names changed to protect the innocent (and the not so innocent — 😉
I think all fiction writing has kernels of truth to it for a writer — it’s just blown up and exaggerated. That whole “write what you know thing.”
Thanks for stopping by to read and for your comment!
“He always said to me, “B, you gotta live your life for you. No explanations, no apologies, no regrets. Be patient with yourself and everything will work out.”
I love this.(sorry for your loss)
It is hard to be patient with yourself.. isn’t it? We are so hard on ourselves… a trait we share Brigitte.
So take a big step back and chill baby. Ruminate and then regurgitate when you are ready 🙂 Until then be as mindful as you can muster.
(I sure can talk a good walk but I sure as hell can’t walk the talk)
Hi Audra! Thank you. It is very hard to be patient with yourself sometimes. Seems as if we share the same “affliction.” I’m way better at giving that advice than I am living it. ;).
So appreciate your comment. I’m gonna go chill, baby. :D.
Every time we have moved I’ve started a new journal entry in a notebook I’ve had for a long time. For one reason or another I haven’t been faithful to keep it up. That’s why there are still plenty of blank pages. It’s so funny when I come across it again and examine my emotional state at the prospect of moving or my frustration just before, during or after a move. There is a theme, though. Always very clearly attitudinal and always with an earnest desire to be better about expressing myself in a less erratic manner. The dates is at the top of a page followed by my ramblings about how I need to exercise more or be nicer to people or whatever. Strangely, my feelings about change are consistent even though there may be months or even entire years between the entries. It never fails to help me laugh at myself when I return to my lonely little notebook, tucked away in a closet. As I re-read the entries, and maybe make a knew one, I always end up asking myself the same question, “what was I so upset about?”
It’s nice to have a gauge of how much I’ve grown (and how much I still have to grow). I just hope my kids don’t use it to have me committed! : )
Honie, yep I have those starts and stops myself in some of my journals. That’s a great insight you’ve given here — “what was I so upset about?” Wise words. And it’s funny reading about some of those times — funny and bittersweet but all of them helping us grow; you’re so right and thank you!
I think you are my Sister Brigitte. Your post sounds so resonates with me. I’m sorry you’re feeling sad on your friend’s anniversary, understandably so. I’m sure he’s with you still every step of the way. Love your Dr Seuss quote. 🙂
Well, I’ll take that (I almost said Sister Teresa!!). I’m glad it did resonate with you, though. And thank you for your empathy — so appreciated and your sweet comment. Yes, I LOVE Dr. Seuss — he wrote many wise words, huh? 😉
I love this….you may be right….I have to remember that. 🙂
Thanks, D. 🙂
Uh boy do I relate to trying to force things to happen. I always say I got b*tch slapped by life, because life wasn’t having it! Whenever I relax and let go, it’s so much better. The issue is maintaining this. I’m getting better as I get older though. Happy belated Monday!
Sandee — ha! You’re right though and the older I get, the better it gets — patience-wise. You too and thanks!
I’ll have to try that “you may be right.” Such a simple few words, but they carry a lot of weight. Maybe as we move into September we’ll all lose some of our “mehness.” I’m ready!
Hi J, it does work! And I’m with you. I’m so ready. Thanks. 🙂
That is one of my all-time favorite quotes and something I have to remind myself of alot. I get where you are. I’ve been melancholy and longing for more for a while, and I’m almost to the point of doing something about it. I’m at a turning point and I don’t take that lightly. No one should. There are no hardships to speak of, but I’m just tired of the same old thing and my world needs some shaking up. Mainly it’s all career stuff that I’m speaking of. I’ll pull through as I always do, and I’ll come out ahead of where I am now.
Your blog is uplifting, and I like that. Not preachy, but your messages always hit home. Thanks for that!
Hi Szabo, so nice to see you here! Those big career changes are difficult and I think all of us come to those places in our lives where we feel as you are feeling now (I understand, believe me!!). As “cliche” as it sounds I think everything we go through nudges us to do other things when we finally feel that NOW is the time, you know? I wish you well as you make those decisions for yourself.
What a grand compliment you’ve paid me — thank you. I’m so glad you found something uplifting here — if so, then that in turn “uplifts” me more than you know. Thank you so much for that.
Brigitte, I really love reading your writing. We have lots in common I think, apart from both being Taureans. I wrote about patterns this week. I am learning about patience too. I know Taureans are supposed to be patient, and often I am, except for when I have got an idea stuck in my mind, am completely convinced that it is right and charge headlong into things. I am learning not to do that anymore 🙂 Flow baby, flow 🙂
Oh, and you may be right! Genius. I am going to try that out on my unsuspecting hubby tonight. He will keel over with shock no doubt!
Yes, it’s a good one and it disarms people sometimes. ;).
Hi Sara — thank you and I agree with you. Yes, we Taureans are patient I suppose to the point where we almost have to be “kicked” to change a situation, you know? Then when we do make that decision, we go — full force! I think, it’s exactly as you’ve described — flow, baby, flow. That’s the difficult part for me. Thank you, friend.
My mother always tell us that “Patience is a virtue”, and we must lengthen our patience to others, to different things because even though we had try to handle everything well, there’s always a point that our patience will be tested. Either myself had encountered problems in this issue of being patient because I am trying to be one but, sometimes and suddenly my patience bursts out. I like your post right here and the quotes are very genuine. I would like to thank you for bringing this up. Let me try having the courage to say “you may be right” and gracefully escape to walk away. Thanks again! God bless! 🙂
Hi N, your mother is right! Patience hasn’t been one of my virtues either, but the older I get the more I’m focusing on trying to be. It’s like anything else I suppose, the more you consciously practice it, the better you get at it. I’m so glad you enjoyed the post and here’s wishing you patience just when you need. God bless you as well! Thank you!
Hi Brigitte, the loss of a close friend is a real body-blow. Don’t worry about taking time to regroup. Anniversaries are tough. Be gentle with yourself, you’ll get there when it feels right.
I’m interested in this “You may be right”, although I admit that usually when someone attacks me I just react. I’m going to try it, practice it and take your advice. It’s never too late to learn and improve. Thanks also for the “be who you are…”.
Hi BB, it is and so appreciate your warm sentiments. I’m like everyone else — I lose my patience but it doesn’t feel good when I do, you know? It’s that stopping a moment, taking a deep breath and walking away with your good feeling intact that’s more important than exploding or losing your patience. We’re human and we mess up sometimes but learning is the most important thing, right? Thanks so much for your sweet comment and here’s to being who you are, staying true to yourself and being patient when you need it the most. ;).
#1: I LOVE the “You may be right”. I’ve noticed that people who are calm inside their soul, are hard to people to “get riled up”. They don’t need to defend, or fight. I keep working toward this, but there are some (like my husband) that can really get me going!
#2: I think the feeling that you are describing is the kind of feeling you have…right before a breakthrough. It’s there…it’s on the tip of your tongue….and it will bloom very soon. I think if we do this LIFE thing right, that is how we are supposed to feel. UP UP UP the hill….and then WEEEEEEEE!!!!!….and then we do it all over again. I like to tell impatient, childlike self, “Patience Grasshopper.”
#3: I am sorry for the loss of your friend.((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) and a cold diet coke♥
Love you to pieces,
Hey Lis, yes I have to keep working on it myself. Hubby is way more patient than I am. And thank you, you’re right and I appreciate your warm sentiments. I forgot about that Kung Fu — that’s a blast from the past. ;). love to you too, dear one. xxoo
Brigitte, this was a wonderful post. Thank you for the reminder about patience. A beautiful pearl…As Weebles said – and I remember reading in Don Miguel Ruiz’ book, “The Four Agreements” – Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? I guess I’d rather be happy most of the time, these days…
Hi Cathy — thank you. I have to remind myself often of it! And I’m like you, I’d rather diffuse the arguments and walk away happy. So glad it resonated with you and thanks again for your kind comment — it’s so appreciated!
So nice your friend still walks with you…I’m lucky that way, too.
“Funky doldrums…” nailed it! xoxoM
I knew you’d understand. Thanks for the kind words, M — much appreciated. xxoo
That final quote, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” is one of my all-time favorites. I struggle with it, though.
Hey Kathy, I know it’s one of my favorites too. Dr, Seuss knew his stuff and I have to work at it myself. Thanks for stopping by!
This was a good post with great advice. Sometimes we just have to take things slow even though being patient in today’s world is hard. If my computer even makes me wait for a second, I’m like, COME ON! I just need to take deep breaths. I think you’re right though, with patience comes clarity, peace, and happiness. You just have to work at it one step at a time, right?
Hi Lily and welcome. Trust me, I write these things out so I can GET some clarity. And yeah, baby steps, that’s what I have to do myself. Thanks for the follow, new friend.
I needed to read this one about two weeks ago, but it all worked out…..I think. I wholeheartedly agree with your wonderful words.
Thanks, Lorre! I love your blog.