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Monday Musings and Motivations — Part Forty-Five — Endings/Beginnings

I sit here on a small patio writing with the constant noise of traffic below.  I’m in a much smaller place than I was three months ago as I prepare to make a move.  By the time the dust settles, we will have moved four times in less than four months.

Here's a pair of my vagabond shoes.  They're getting pretty worn out, lemme tell you.

Here’s a pair of my vagabond shoes. They’re getting pretty worn out, lemme tell you.

This one involves leaving behind the place where many vagabond shoes have come to.  Instead mine will be leaving here, New York, New York!!

The ending of this part of my life signifies a beginning of what my life will be.  When I arrive at that other place.  As I reflect back on the past year, I know that soon my life will thankfully (hopefully?) settle down, but not quite yet.

So, I’ve had to step back and gather some strength, make some sense of all these stressors that have taken hold of me for a long time now.  Hubby’s job is taking us South.  I feel some kind of relief — a bittersweet one, but one that I feel may bring us to a place where I can exhale a little bit.

So Long, But Not Goodbye

A few weeks ago I went into the city and met with my writing group.  Three beautiful, intelligent women — all writers with diverse occupations; a lawyer from the Bronx, a schoolteacher in Queens and a business professional from New Jersey.   These women are the best and they’ll be my friends, whether through Skype, email or our visiting each other, I know I’ll stay in touch with them.

We three clicked from the time we met at a Gotham Writing Class in Manhattan.  We’ve shared our writing, our personal trials, tribulations, joys and sorrows over the past two years.  We met at our usual place, the Tick Tock Diner.  Although none of us had any writing to share, we shared what had been happening in our lives.  We talked, laughed and more than a few times, I cried.

I'm going to miss things like this, but I can come back to visit!

I’m going to miss things like this, but I can come back to visit!

It’s so nice meeting with people who see you, know you, care about what happens to you.  Even our waiter, Steve signed the card that my friends brought to me with warm words and a picture of all of us on it.  He took it with him to the back, all of us wondering if he’d return it.  He did and he became very personal and lovely and jovial.  Maybe he was just waiting for someone to see him.

Before we left, he said to me, “I’ll come to your book-signing when you come back.”  I’d like to think that’s a foreshadowing from Steve, a New York waiter at the Tick-Tock.  You just never know, right?

I have mixed feelings about leaving here.  When I arrived here over three years ago, I was enamored of New York — the city — the people, everything.  We’d go into the city nearly every weekend.  I had the opportunity to meet people in the city, do some writing for them.  The energy was and is incredible.  I’ll miss that.  I’ll miss all that is Manhattan.  This place made me grow, thrive as a person and as a writer.

They have horse-drawn carriages where I'm going but with much less space to cover and less people that take a ride.

They have horse-drawn carriages where I’m going but with much less space to cover and less people that take a ride.

But that raging storm that I and many of us went through last year changed something in me.  Made me gain a different perspective.  It made me afraid, anxious for a very long time.  I still am sometimes, but it’s getting better.  Soon after, my Dad left this world.  I left New York for a awhile to tend to all that, then came back.  Then another move, word of a transfer and well, you know, change as much as we dread it, it’s the one thing we can all be sure of.

So Long and Hello…

Endings and beginnings.  I remember a song in the late 90s I loved called Closing Time by Semisonic.  I know that the meaning of it was much deeper than we all thought then.  It sounds as if it’s about strangers/friends meeting in a bar or a gathering place, but one line in it struck me as so profound that I painted an ethereal painting on an old round tabletop.  I painted a woman up in the clouds — yeah, I know but I was going through a thing then — and I painted the words around her:

Every new beginning comes from some other’s beginning’s end.  

That tabletop is in storage somewhere, waiting for me to unpack it.

Allegedly, one of the the band’s members wrote it about fatherhood but disguised it in a form that people could relate to.  I think that phrase can relate to most anything in life really.  What I’m going through, what you’re going through.  And, there’s something very comforting about that.

Life, for all its ups and downs and things we don’t understand, is LIFE, the good and the messy.  We learn, accept and go forward, knowing that the ending of something just means the beginning of something else.

So I’m ready and despite the fact that I’m saying goodbye, for now, to familiar places and faces, I’m embracing what’s ahead with a grateful heart and a bittersweet mood of moving forward.  I’ve lived where I’m going to before so it’s like saying hello again to an old friend.

Thank you, New York, so long for now — I love you.  i_love_new_york

A Beach that will be nearby...where I'm going...

A Beach that will be nearby…where I’m going…

The next few weeks will be busy for me.  Maybe I’ll take some pics along the way to the new place.  Once we do settle in, maybe I’ll be blogging or writing from here or maybe here.  I can drive to each of them and the atmosphere is calm, serene.  I’m ready for some of that.

A park I can bike to...where I'm going...

A park I can bike to…where I’m going…

And know that whatever you’re going through, there is someone who is going through the same kind of thing, and if you think no one understands or is listening, there is always someone who will and someone who gets YOU.

A Sunset I can enjoy...where I'm going...

A sunset at the pier.

Happy Monday and I’m leaving you with two songs (there’s two tracks there!) that I hope you’ll take the time to listen to  — about endings, beginnings and friends.  See ya soon, friends.

Much love and peace,

About Brigitte



58 thoughts on “Monday Musings and Motivations — Part Forty-Five — Endings/Beginnings

  1. Good luck with the move, Brigitte. Although it’s difficult to leave a place we love, change can be exciting and restorative. I wish you well!

    Posted by Carrie Rubin | July 15, 2013, 9:08 am
    • Thanks, Carrie. Seems many of us have taken a break from blogging this summer for various reasons. I’ll be glad when things settle down and thanks so much for your kind and encouraging words — I agree with you and I’m ready! I hope you and yours are doing great and that son of yours is performing magic everywhere. 😉

      Sent from Brigitte’s iPad

      Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 12:05 pm
  2. So good to hear from you, Brigitte. I hope your move goes well and you settle into your new space with beaches and palm trees and gentle breezes with ease and comfort.

    Posted by Cathy Ulrich | July 15, 2013, 9:19 am
  3. Good luck with everything, B. Funny, the line you quote above (from a song, I think) always resonated with me. I thought it was genius, and I’ve often reminded myself of it over the past few years–whether I’ve wanted to or not. How lucky you are to see all these places, and meet wonderful people as you move around with your hubby. It can only add depth to your already impressive writing arsenal. All the best!

    Posted by Ron Stempkowski | July 15, 2013, 9:25 am
    • Ron! How are you my friend? We’ve not visited each other in a while but it’s always so nice to see you here. I love that song and I bet you can so relate to it as well. I do hope you are doing well. How is that puppy of yours? I am lucky, but I’ve always been a wanderer. I’m ready to stay put for awhile now, I think. ;). Take care of you and thanks so much for your sweet sentiments.

      Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 12:08 pm
  4. I love that song. This was such a bittersweet post, Brig. You really know how to stir up feelings. I keep seeing you, in your future place, with a soft warm breeze enveloping you. You’ll be happy and comfortable, I just know it. 🙂 happy landing, lady. I’ll be in touch soon. Xoxo Lisa
    Ps- New York will miss you, too. You brought as much with you as you take away… That’s the truth.

    Posted by A Gripping Life | July 15, 2013, 9:39 am
    • I know, I LOVE it too. We do share the same tastes in music, if I remember correctly. I hope I’ve stirred up some good feelings for you and I so hope life is treating you as wonderfully as you deserve, Lisa. I know you’ve been going through some rough seas and I picture you on a lovely float in turquoise water (where are those hands you talked about awhile back anyway??) at peace, feeling beautiful. Happy landing to you as well and thanks so much, my dear friend. xo

      Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 12:10 pm
  5. I hope your pace slows a bit and the soft breeze of the ocean greets you with a gentle welcoming hug Brigitte. Be well my friend and take care of yourself. ( those 2 locations look like great places to hang your hat and write)

    Posted by unfetteredbs | July 15, 2013, 10:24 am
    • Oh Audra, even your words to me sound poetic — thank you. I like the idea of a gentle welcoming hug. You take care of you too and I’m looking forward to hanging my hat in those places. Thanks so much, friend. xo

      Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 12:12 pm
  6. I’ve always liked the concept that each ending brings a new beginning. It’s comforting. And it’s true, or at least I have always found it so. I enjoyed your blog. Good luck. –Curt

    Posted by Curt Mekemson | July 15, 2013, 10:48 am
  7. Such a wonderful way for me to start my morning, once again thanks to you and your words. The photos of South Carolina have a way of making one feel they’d instantly be at home there. I hope that is true. Be safe in your new journey.

    I’ll be at the book signing, too.

    Posted by Addie | July 15, 2013, 11:10 am
    • Oh, so great to hear from you!!!!! I’m so glad you enjoyed, A. I’ve been meaning to stop by your blog. I think I saw you had a new gravatar that shows your eyes — they look like Liz Taylor eyes! You take care and I look forward to settling down more and getting back to reading some of YOUR words. 🙂

      Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 12:20 pm
      • You’re a sweetie! Liz Taylor! Gracious! Well, the current blog shows me c.late 1980’s with my sibling, our curly hair, my shoulder pads and my three month preggers belly. It was also Freshly Pressed! Ack!!

        Posted by Addie | July 15, 2013, 12:28 pm
      • I’m going to have to read this one Addie and congrats — you are so deserving and it’s well overdue — congrats on the FP, m’dear!!! I sneaked a peek at the pic. You’re beautiful! Oh how I remember those shoulder pads. I wore them too and the sprayed hair and all that. We were ga-roovy, huh? Thank you my friend!

        Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 5:59 pm
      • Liz Taylor, eh? I blush! I put up a photo on my current post of The Sibling and I from the mid-80’s, complete with our big curly hair, his beard and my shoulder pads. Not in view is my three month preggers belly! Plus, it was Freshly Pressed!! I’m still all aflutter!!

        Posted by Addie | July 15, 2013, 5:46 pm
      • You do, you do have Taylor eyes. Your eyebrows — I’m so jealous!! You don’t look preggers or maybe that’s that glowing thing everyone talks about because you are doing that. 😉 Congrats on your FP, Addie.

        Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 6:06 pm
  8. Beautiful and bittersweet post. Best of luck with your move, and looking forward to hearing how it went when you get settled. Loved the Closing Time song!

    Posted by Jennifer's Journal | July 15, 2013, 11:19 am
  9. Hi, Brigitte! I’m happy for you on your new adventure! In my experience, changes like these are good (as compared to changes occurring immediately as the result of crisis and disaster.) I was struck by your reveal that you dealt with a major disaster and the passing of your Dad withing a tight timeframe. I went through the same thing in 2001 in New York… my Dad passed in January that year and then 9/11 made its permanent mark on history’s calendar. Such started a very long period where dark clouds seemed to follow wherever I went. I’m glad the clouds are parting and you are seeing the sun’s rays breaking through. I feel you are moving into your healing place. That makes me feel warm inside. I dare say I know how it will feel and I couldn’t be happier for you.

    May peace and love follow you wherever you go.

    Sue 🙂

    Posted by Sue J | July 15, 2013, 1:09 pm
    • Sue thank you and I think you’re right about that. I thought you knew all about the upheaval of the past year — it seems as if it’s been going on and on with no end in sight. I always felt that you and I shared so many similar experiences — kind of like kindred spirits. I am so, so sorry for your loss, my dear friend. But I so understand. I hope you will write more about this someday but I understand why you still can’t. I certainly can’t but I hope to find the right words someday. I so want to move to that healing place and I’m going to take your word on that — that you feel it — it gives me hope and I think you’re a very astute, soulful person. I’m happy for you too — you seem to have found your place in sunny CA. The same to you, Sue — much love and peace to you and yours — always. xxoo

      Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 6:14 pm
      • I have been aware of your sad struggles this past year, Brig, but somehow kept the two categories of events separate in my mind. When you included them in one sentence, my mind made the connection and flagged the similarity to my own similar and difficult year some time ago. Yes, kindred spirits. And somehow New York has thrown us both for a loop. I want to write about my own experience–if nothing else, to get it out of my mind and hopefully release it–but so far it’s not been possible. Too difficult to tackle. Still, I feel significant healing in my own life and can assure you it is there for you as well. Strangely, I feel a certainty about it where you are concerned. Very strong vibes. You will be well.


        Posted by Sue J | July 15, 2013, 6:55 pm
  10. Sorry to hear that you’re leaving the Apple, Brig. I hope that starting over in a place you know well is therapeutic and your writing will flourish. Thanks for the links so I’m not entirely befuddled about where you’re going.

    Posted by lameadventures | July 15, 2013, 1:38 pm
    • V, me too at times, but I’m excited. I wish we could have met. But I’ll always read your blog and who knows — if you’re ever down thatta way or up this way again (I’m sure I will be, after all there is that book-signing thing), we will have to share a beer or glass of wine or two. I love that you used the word befuddled. You’re so cool. xo

      Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 6:01 pm
      • Awwwwwwwww gee, Brig, I had no idea you wanted to meet me. You should have just emailed me. As flattered as I am by the compliment, I’m not so sure if I’m cool, but I am easy. Ask Audra. Hopefully we will meet at another time.

        Posted by lameadventures | July 15, 2013, 7:12 pm
      • That sounds interesting, V. I’m going to have to email Audra.

        Posted by Brigitte | July 16, 2013, 8:38 am
  11. Good luck with your – it was a job that brought me out of the city and down to the Ozarks – I love the pace of life in the south.

    Posted by artsifrtsy | July 15, 2013, 2:45 pm
  12. So beautiful, and sad, and yet wonderful! I needed to read this today my blogger friend!! So much of what you said hit home in my heart. You are right…there is always SOMEONE who knows. Thank you so much for your beautiful words…and it looks like I’m going to miss you as I will be in New York in Oct. sad face. But happy face for you my traveling friend!! Listening to the tracks you posted now! Perfect. Here’s to living life!

    Posted by isawbobdylaninaspeedo | July 15, 2013, 3:23 pm
    • Hey Judy, thank you! I’m so glad I wrote something that made you feel good — (I hope so), my dear friend. Oh no, now you’re coming to New York in October. Oh well, our paths may cross somewhere else, yes? Be glad you are coming in October — it is beautiful then. It is in the 90’s here now with heat factors in the triple digits. Not so nice. Thank you and you’re are right — here’s to life — it is good indeed.

      Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 6:04 pm
  13. Here’s to blue skies, Bridgette. Good luck in the next phase of your life.

    Posted by Allan G. Smorra | July 15, 2013, 4:14 pm
  14. I posted twice. I suck.

    Posted by Addie | July 15, 2013, 5:47 pm
  15. Brigitte, SC is lucky to have you and I know NYC will miss you. I think it’s so amazing that you got the chance to experience living in New York, and I know how bittersweet these transitions are. I always look forward to your posts, and it will be neat to see how your writing continues to evolve during this time. Wishing you the best!

    Posted by notedinnashville | July 15, 2013, 5:58 pm
    • Hi Anita, how are YOU? How’s beautiful Nashville? It’s hotter here than in Memphis! I talked to my Mom today and it was only 82. It’s in the mid to high 90’s here all week long! What a wonderful thing to say to me — I’m so blessed to have friends like you in the blogging community. I hope my writing evolves — I’m looking forward to doing much more of it once the dust settles. I wish the best for you as well, Anita — thanks so much. xo

      Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 6:08 pm
  16. Change can be stressful but also invigorating, and I hope it will be for you. New York City to South Carolina is a major shift, but your familiarity with that part of the country will undoubtedly help. Be careful in this heat, and I hope the new surroundings will provide you with new inspiration. So good to see a post from you again!

    Posted by jmmcdowell | July 15, 2013, 6:19 pm
    • Hey JM, you are so right about that. Yes it will be a major culture change but hey I’ve done it before so it’ll be okay. And what’s up with this heat??? It’s hotter here than in the South. I’m hoping for some of that inspiration too and I look forward to settling down a bit and reading some of my favorite blogs — one of which is of course, yours. Thanks again – so nice to see YOU.

      Posted by Brigitte | July 15, 2013, 6:25 pm
  17. I think I know something of beginnings and endings (as I’m sure you already knew). Leaving a place you’ve stayed in for a while is always hard, no matter what kinds of ups and downs you experienced there. Or rather, it’s probably because of them that leaving is always bittersweet. But like you said, we can only be sure that changes will continue to come our way so we just have to embrace them and keep moving forward. Is it weird that I feel excited for you as you move to a different place? As good as NYC has been to you, I think it’s also exciting (and just a little daunting) to think of the new experiences you’re sure to have in your next place. Or maybe I’m just extending my own excitement at my next impending move to yours. 😉 Always good to see a new post from you in my inbox!

    Posted by lillianccc | July 15, 2013, 7:06 pm
    • Lillian, I knw you know what I’m talking about! How is it going with you? That’s it…it’s difficult to leave a place no matter what you’ve been through. I guess it has to do with something ending and change, well that’s always kind of scary. No, it’s not weird you feel excited for me — thank you! I’m getting so many positive vibes from people like you and I’d like to believe that means something. I’m getting excited but my impatience is I just want to go now!! I’m sure you can relate. Always good to hear from you, Lillian — I hope your upcoming move is going smoothly. Can’t wait to hear more about where you land, what happens along the way and the person you become when you get there. xxoo

      Posted by Brigitte | July 16, 2013, 8:37 am
  18. What a beautiful post, Brigitte! Change can be scary but it sounds like you have the perfect attitude about it and are excited for what lies ahead. The best of luck to you and I look forward to reading about your new beginning. 🙂

    Posted by brickhousechick | July 15, 2013, 9:15 pm
    • Hi D..thank you and welcome! So nice to see/hear from a new person. When things settle down, I’ll have to visit you but thank you so much for your kind words and sentiments. Best of luck to you as well!

      Posted by Brigitte | July 16, 2013, 8:39 am
  19. Brilliant Bravo Brigitte.

    You have had so much change over the past year and that is always stressful. I hope returning to your southern roots will bring you more peace. You generate peace, at least to me you do.

    I’m getting all teary like you are leaving us but I know you’re not and we’ll see you when you get there.

    Much love, Mags

    Posted by Maggie O'C | July 16, 2013, 1:44 pm
    • Hey Maggie! Why thank you — glad you enjoyed. Still in the mad process of packing, moving and that other stuff so it’s nuts, but I’m beginning to see a tiny light at the end of whatever tunnel we’re barreling towards now. ;). Thanks for stopping in and I’ll see ya soon. xo

      Sent from Brigitte’s iPad

      Posted by Brigitte | July 16, 2013, 3:06 pm
  20. New York loves you, too, Brigitte. As do I! Isn’t it funny that no matter how many changes we go through in life, each time is just as scary as the last? Something about the letting go of what is, and the uncertainty of what will be – yet deep inside we know that remaining in the same place, stagnant, would probably kill us (and by us, I mean you and me). Vagabonds, indeed! Already looking forward to bringing my vagabond shoes down south for a visit. Seriously. xoxo

    Posted by Carly | July 17, 2013, 5:42 pm
    • Carly, thank you so much and you know what a friend you are to me. I know what you mean, though. I was telling Jeff today there were many things I was going to miss about living here but then I remember some pretty cool stuff about where I’m going to as well. I think I was just meant to wander…though I’m ready for a rest! I’m looking forward to you coming down my way to see me — you are always welcome and I really think you’d love it. Seriously. xxoo.

      Posted by Brigitte | July 19, 2013, 5:54 pm
  21. Glad to hear you’re ok honey (((((hugs))))) Good luck! Xx

    Posted by Vikki Thompson | July 19, 2013, 6:43 am
  22. Reblogged this on Pardon My Bag and commented:
    Wishing you well as you get settled.

    Posted by pardonmybag | July 22, 2013, 1:49 pm
  23. Moving four times in four months! You only vindicate the saying ” Change is the only constant.” Wish you all the best as you head southwards.

    But if I may ask you a question.As you review your life at this point, where do you see freedom coming in and where do you see it getting lost?


    Posted by Shakti Ghosal | July 25, 2013, 6:37 am
    • Hi Shaki! So nice to see you again and hope you and your lovely family is well. Wow, that’s a tough question you’ve asked me. I suppose I’m seeing “freedom” as I’m moving forward now because of external circumstances of the past few months, I have felt very stuck, mired down and very tired. That doesn’t describe freedom to me! I’m feeling a bit better now and thank you for your warm sentiments.

      Posted by Brigitte | July 26, 2013, 11:19 am

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