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Monday Musings and Motivations — Part Twenty-Seven — Friends

Do you remember your first best friend?

I feel like i’ve known you my whole life…

I do.  Her name was Elizabeth and we were in elementary school together.  She had long dark hair and always seemed to be tan.  She had this bright pink dress that I loved.  But I knew that pink dress wouldn’t look the same on me.  I was bony, fair and blonde.

We’d have sleep-overs and I remembered her Mom seemed to be always tired.  She had dark hair and these purplish half moons under her eyes all the time.

Elizabeth (no one ever shortened her name to Liz or Lizzie) and I were inseparable.  Then a new girl moved to town, Trish.  She’d moved from Louisiana and she and I became best friends too.  So we became a three-some.  But with three, there’s always someone that feels left out, you know?  I had that enviable middle spot for a time, then Trish moved closer to Elizabeth’s house and they began to hang out together more.  They could be at each other’s houses in minutes.  Me, I was stuck out further away.

Then we moved to another small-town and as far as I know my used-to-be best friends became best friends.

Rite of Passage

In middle-school, I was in a new town and new school.  I made friends quickly but I was shy and awkward.  My next best friend was another brunette and she was tan.  It’s funny how my best friends seemed to be the opposite of me — physically and socially.

Dee was outgoing and we went through the rites of passage that you go through as you mature and find your place in the group that is middle-school, high-school.  I had another best friend, another Trish and I found myself in that same middle spot again, divvying up my time between my two best friends.

I didn’t bloom until my senior year and by then, I was setting my sights on another place and other friends.  Once again, my two best friends became best friends — to each other.  They stayed in the same place and I left at eighteen.

I went back to one high-school reunion and it was fun, but odd.  I kind of envy people that stayed in the same place their whole lives — they have strong attachments to the memories, people and place.  When you move around, both the good and bad memories fade — get coated over and you wonder if you remember them all correctly or if you remember them the way you wished they were.

Welcome to Adulthood

It’s been my experience that as you get older, you choose your friends more wisely.  You start to realize that life is short and you want to spend your time with people who not only make you feel good, but get you.  They accept you for who you are.  They know all your secrets, your mistakes and still love you — exactly the way you are.  They want you to succeed, they challenge you and help you understand life from a different perspective.

A friend is defined as this:  “A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.”

Simple and it doesn’t mean you have to share the same opinions about everything — those things we all get worked up about, you just have an affection for them — exactly the way they are.  Unconditional.

If you’re lucky you have one or two of those in your life because they’re rare.  If you can count on one hand, the people who’d be there for you, no matter what, you’re lucky.  Hubby’s my best friend — he’s my go-to person and the kindest and most decent human being I’ve ever met.  I lost one of my best ever friends but I still talk to him.

New Friends

Now we have this new way of making friends.  We all share pieces of ourselves here.  We open up our hearts to each other, you know?  That’s what friends do.

I consider all of you my friends.  I laugh at things you write.  I’m concerned when you have something going on in your life that’s causing you pain.  I respect you for your beliefs — I may not always agree, but I respect you.  And as much as we can be fond of one another on this kind of public forum, we are.  It’s strange, isn’t it?  But it’s nice because I never would have “known” you otherwise.  I now have friends from all over the country and some from other countries.

Anyway, thanks for being my friend and even if we never meet, I do care otherwise I wouldn’t keep doing this — revealing parts of my life to you and looking forward to what you reveal to me.

We’re friends like that.

Happy Monday everyone — my friends and here’s some Queen to start your week out nicely.

* * *

Do you remember your first best friend?  Is he/she still your best friend?  Do you talk to her/him regularly?

Photo creds:  Awkward girl

About Brigitte



116 thoughts on “Monday Musings and Motivations — Part Twenty-Seven — Friends

  1. What a beautiful post – I totally agree with you. My best friend was Bridgette when I was 5 yrs old until she moved away at age 7. I’ve always had a best friend rather than a ton of friends; and have also had the 3 friend conundrum. But I get deeply attached to people and it’s nice to have reconnected with several of my closest friends and find we stil have that deep affection for each other.

    Thanks for being my friend –

    For you – a Jonathan Richman song ~

    Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | October 22, 2012, 9:36 am
    • Ruta, thank you. Wow, your first best friend was a Brigitte? That’s cool and as you’ve said, i think you and I have much in common. I’m the same way — I’m drawn to more intimate, one-on-one friends and relationships than lots of casual friends. Thank you for being my friend and thanks for the lovely song. I’ve never heard it — you’re so nice. xxoo

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 10:09 am
  2. May the real people grow with you always. Thank you for this post.

    Posted by Allyson Mellone | October 22, 2012, 9:48 am
  3. Brigitte,
    Thank you for being my friend. Can I tell my other friends we are friends? Not just on the blogosphere? You’re so freakin’ kind, Brigitte.

    Posted by Le Clown | October 22, 2012, 9:54 am
  4. Teen would be so happy with your song selection today! This was my ringtone for Husband on my last phone. I would say he’s my best buddy now. I had a breakup with my childhood best friend around the time Little One was born. It was a very difficult time for me, but I now understand it was probably a blessing in disguise. I am much wiser now.

    It’s interesting, the dynamic of friendship over the web. I do wonder and worry about you all as well. I really hate to see the people I’ve met here hurting. I’m so happy when it’s all going well. And Clownie is right, you are so freakin’ kind. You really are.

    Posted by Fish Out of Water | October 22, 2012, 10:08 am
    • Fish, you have been responsible some mornings for making me laugh out loud. Obviously, your teenager has phenomenal taste in music. ;). My ringtone for hubby is Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On because I love that cheesy blues coming out of my phone. I’ve had to part ways with friends before too so I know exactly how you feel — it’s necessary sometimes. I know, this thing we do over the net, I never thought I would but I enjoy so much. You are too — kind, sweet and funny — YOU REALLY ARE. Thank you.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 10:13 am
  5. Brigitte,
    You have such a wonderful way of capturing the heart of the matter! I am grateful to call you my friend.

    My best friend in first grade was Lorita and we’re still good friends. We don’t talk often, but when we get together, we have such a good time. Peter is my best friend now along with my dear sister Becky. But like you, I have a smaller, group of friends these days that “get me” and I “get them.”


    Posted by Cathy Ulrich | October 22, 2012, 10:14 am
    • Cathy, thank you. I don’t capture it as poetically as you do and some other fantastic poets I call my friends but I take that as a huge compliment coming from you. There are some people you have as friends and you can go years without seeing them and then meet and it’s like no time has passed. Now, I’m like you — my husband and my sisters are my very best friends.

      I find it inspiring that all of us are friends and if we ever meet, maybe we’ll ask each other…”remember that post you wrote about ….. what did you mean when you said….?” Thank you, Cathy!

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 10:21 am
  6. I love being your friend, Brig. 🙂 I get excited with every post you write – it’s something more to bond over, more pieces that reveal the person that everyone adores.
    At some point, I hope we all get the chance to meet face to face. I know that sounds silly and unrealistic but I feel like if we plan something for 9 months to a year from now everyone in our little community can get their act together and make it happen. I’m so much of a face to face person. The idea of being physically present with each other would be a big WOW for me. I want to hear your voice, your laughter, see you smile, etc. Is that crazy or is it a really fun idea? Am I the only one who thinks like this?
    I was also the kind of person, growing up, that had one or two good friends and then a bunch of more superficial friends. I’d much rather have quality than quantity any day of the week.
    The idea of loving people unconditionally is EVERYTHING to me. I can separate a person from their behaviors very easily. I try to focus on the core of a person – who they are spiritually speaking — that piece of us that is unique and will continue to exist throughout the eternities.
    Have you ever been to the funeral of a person that was considered a bad egg because of their misdeeds and doings? I have. What I always find interesting is that in death, all of our crappy behavior melts away and the only thing left is the memory of that person’s unique spirit. I try and always concentrate and look for that spirit in each of us. I’d like to think that if I was blindfolded that I would know you, Brigitte, in a crowd of people just based on your sweet, loving kind spirit. I know I would.
    Great post!!! Thanks for this monday morning treat 🙂

    Posted by A Gripping Life | October 22, 2012, 10:34 am
    • Lisa, and I you!! What a wonderful thing to say to a friend, that’s why I love ya so much. I would like to do that too and I don’t think it it’s totally unrealistic at all. We could all decide on a place and just make it work and I’d like to think I could pick you out as well — for your humor, intelligence and your no-nonsense style and your strong spiritual self. I do know what you mean by not liking someone and then when they pass, all that crap falls away. One of my all-time favorite movies is Love Actually and it’s about that very thing. When people are at the end of their lives, they’re thinking about people who wronged them, they are remembering who loved them and who they loved.

      When you write about spiritual things (like that post you wrote about growing up in South Africa) I get all goose-bumpy. You are a way with that kind of thing and I look forward to when you reveal more of that about you. I so look forward to your posts. Sometimes I am laughing and other times, I’m just…wow. But the goose-bumpy thing — I have felt that more than a few times from your heartfelt prose.

      Thank you my friend and what a way to start out a Monday. much love. xxoo

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 10:47 am
      • I like what Grippy said.. to hear your laughter, to see your smile and hear your voice– I think we see these things online in our hearts but to feel it in person.. would be spectacular.
        Im having a pretty crappy few day so logging on and reading your post is fantastic. Yet another way this online connection really rocks.
        You ladies are the tops and I would have never imagined the connections I have made in a short 6 months. I am blessed..

        Posted by unfetteredbs | October 22, 2012, 2:05 pm
      • Audra, I’ve had crappy days myself and then I read you and others and I feel better too! I read your latest post to Hubby and he said,
        That’s effing great!” And I said, that’s my friend, she gets me and she’s the shiz-net. xxoo

        Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 11:25 pm
  7. Hi, friend! 🙂

    I’ve always had friends when growing up, but only ONE best friend. We met each other when we were seven . . . in a brick and mortar building full of mammoth penguins and pint-sized elves–also known as catholic school. We, the plaid-soaked elves, had to latch on quickly to a friendly soul else we’d be eaten by the penguins. Kathy was the friend of my choosing–the one whom alongside I joyfully and painfully grew–and has been my very best friend ever since. We’ve kept in touch all these years and even though we’ve lived in different states for 20 years now, we keep in touch throughout the year and manage a trip to see each other every year or so. I consider her part of my family and always smile deep inside when I reflect on my good fortune.

    Thanks for triggering some great memories and for continuing to write things that touch us each personally. 🙂

    Posted by Swimming In The Mud | October 22, 2012, 10:48 am
    • Sue, my friend thank you for sharing that sweet memory. I can just picture you in that little uniform (my niece wears the same kind of thing to school). It’s so nice having that kind of friend, isn’t it? I’ve moved around so much that I’ve lost touch with some but years ago I went back to the small town I grew up in and my best friend and I saw each other. It was like we hadn’t been apart. And you’re welcome — thank you for saying that, Sue — it means more to me than you could ever know. xxoo

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 11:03 am
  8. Well said, Brigitte! I fondly remember many of my best friends growing up. I’m no longer in touch with any of them, sadly, but that’s the way it happens a lot. Adult friends are different—and it takes more effort to keep up with them if you don’t work together or live near each other, but they’re the most rewarding friendships of all, I think. They become family. And I count my blogging friends as friends too—we know a lot about each other that sometimes even real-life friends don’t know!

    Posted by Madame Weebles | October 22, 2012, 11:00 am
    • Thanks, Weebs. I’m like you. I don’t keep in touch with friends from where I grew up. I think it’s more difficult making those kind of attachments as adults. Not sure why that is. Probably because people are so busy, because a close relationship takes time to nurture and develop. I agree, these blogging friends I have — I consider you one of those — I feel as if I know. I remember the first time I “met” you. You’d written one of your great historical posts about a lady although I don’t recall her name. But it rhymed with moxie and I left a comment like, “Ms. Something Something certainly had moxie!” You replied back something like, “Just because you said that, I may have you write a Weebles post.” That was it, the day I felt welcome at your place. Thank you for that. I’m like an elephant. I never forget. :). xxoo

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 11:08 am
      • I remember that! It was Vinnie Ream Hoxie, and I was so tickled by your comment. But not being an elephant (my memory used to be like a steel trap–now, not so much), I forgot the part about having you write a Weebles post. Are you still game? Because I am if you are!

        Posted by Madame Weebles | October 22, 2012, 9:33 pm
      • I am so game, J. Let’s get our creative minds together and make it a big thing: A Madame Weebles and Brigitte Banter thing. What do you want to talk about? Should we take on a history thing with a fiction twist? Let’s email each other and figure this out! I love your history knowledge and your hot dead man thing…let’s take this to whole new level. Like every week have a chapter, combining fact and fiction. :). Remember you and I emailed each other about accountability for our writing? This could be that.

        Posted by Brigitte | October 23, 2012, 12:10 am
      • Let’s do this! I’ll send you an email.

        Posted by Madame Weebles | October 23, 2012, 11:57 am
  9. Is it a coincidence that I have dark skin and am a brunette (by birth)? I think not! Best friends it is! Thanks for a great Monday morning read!

    Posted by michelleatplay | October 22, 2012, 11:15 am
  10. Great article. I was always the odd man, (girl) out in the 3 somes I had as a child. Never a fun place to be. It’s nice to grow up and cho0se friends for quality and not just because they live in your neighborhood or go to your school. I have lost touch with all my childhood friends and that’s ok. My friends now are all awesome and there’s no competition. Have a great day…

    Posted by pardonmybag | October 22, 2012, 11:20 am
  11. I still have two very good “best” friends from childhood. One I met when we were three, the other we picked up in Kindergarten at age five. We went Kindergarten through twelfth grade together. Tons of history, memories, and laughs. Now we live in three different states and all lead very different lives, but we are still connected by our strong roots. I seriously think you can’t beat the friends who “get you” from the start and don’t question or judge you when you/life changes. If only we lived closer… but that’s not usually how things work out, unless you never leave the city/town you grew up in.

    Posted by britta326 | October 22, 2012, 11:46 am
    • Hi Britta, I know what you mean! I grew up in two very small towns and had those kind of great friends in both of them. Now I’m very far away from there but I do have some very warm friend memories. It’s those people “who knew you when” that we never forget. Thank you, friend.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 12:03 pm
  12. My best friend from childhood was Esther and we were inseperable until she changed schools. I think my heart died a little that day. Now that I’m an adult I find that I need to be around people who understand me.
    I love how you’ve captured this public blog community as a friendship circle. It’s so true. We get to share laughs and tears and I genuinely care when one of you is going through something painful.
    I’m proud to call you my friends and thanks for being my friends guys.

    Posted by Storkhunter | October 22, 2012, 11:57 am
    • Hi Judith, what a cool name, Esther and one you don’t hear that often. Yeah, understanding is paramount when it comes to good friends. It’s a different kind of friendship, this blogging community, but one that I very much enjoy and treasure. Thank you, my friend and have a great Monday.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 12:05 pm
  13. By now, I have more online ‘friends’ than I do face-to-face. But that’s okay. I’d never get anything done if I had that many face-to-face friends. 🙂

    Posted by Carrie Rubin | October 22, 2012, 12:19 pm
  14. Glad to be friends Brigitte! I too seem to befriend my opposites. My best friend at the moment has short brown hair, is 9 months pregnant and loves the color pink. See what I mean? This post made me a bit nostalgic. I like it.

    Posted by becca3416 | October 22, 2012, 12:29 pm
  15. Hi Brigitte,. I know we’ve met, but I would love to be your friend and to call you a friend. It’s true we can connect here in a special way through words and writing. Your post did make me nostalgic. I moved away from my hometown when I was 17, and often have a cloudy memories of my past for some reason. I do feel lucky to have a few close friends who get me and accept me. That’s all I need.

    Posted by The Bumble Files | October 22, 2012, 12:40 pm
    • Hi Bumble, I already consider you a friend! Sounds as if you and I left about the same time and I hope it made you nostalgic in a good way. I think all one needs is a few. It takes effort to love and get to know another person — close relationships take lots of nurturing and it’s impossible to have that with several people I think. Good things come in small packages, right? Thank you so much for you nice comment, my friend.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 1:04 pm
      • Oh, Brigitte, you are very sweet. Relationships do take nurturing and time. You’re quite right. It’s hard enough lately to nurture the few relationships I do have with my few friends. Yes,your post was nostalgic in a good way. Brought back memories of my friendships. I’ve lost track of many of these friends, even with Facebook!

        Posted by The Bumble Files | October 22, 2012, 2:48 pm
      • I know Bumble…it’s difficult to keep up those friendships. I’ve lost track of many of my childhood friends and because I’ve moved so much, its even more difficult. But my online friends, I’ve discovered are some of the best! So glad I found you.

        Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 11:30 pm
  16. I mean…we’ve only just met…

    Posted by The Bumble Files | October 22, 2012, 12:52 pm
  17. It’s good that your two best friends became friends — at least there wasn’t any real jealousy about it.

    I’m still friends with the girl I called my best friend back almost 40 years ago. It’s funny because we had quite a lot of tension between us, competition. She was more outgoing than I was. As adults we don’t talk often but if something serious occurs like a death or illness, we’re there for each other. She plans to come to my reading. I’m fortunate to have the friends I’ve had for many years. It’s a blessing.

    It’s harder to make new friends as an adult but I have. You talk about not wasting time befriending people who aren’t the best influences. I was thinking of this today. I didn’t really think of this person as a friend but I know she relied on me to confide in because she has problems with other women and doesn’t have any friends. I was thinking how negative she is, which is probably why she doesn’t. We don’t really speak now because of an incident. I was thinking I like it much better this way because I don’t want her energy around me. You’re right, life’s too short to spend time with people who aren’t going to be uplifting in some way.

    Posted by Sword-chinned bitch | October 22, 2012, 1:13 pm
    • I’m not surprised you have lifelong friends, Sandee because you seem like such a REAL kind of person. One of those kind of people that make other people feel good about themselves. You’ve done that for me more than a few times. And I’ve had those kind of acquaintances as well — those friends that kind of drain you — because I’ve always seemed to be the kind of friend that others come to when they want to confide or complain or cry. They seem to give more than they give.

      Everyone needs someone to confide in and true friends give what they get. I think as we get older we realize that and gently part ways with those who don’t — life is precious and brief and being around people who have negative stuff and refuse to stop getting into that negative stuff can affect YOUR goodness, if that makes sense. Thank you for your comment, my friend.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 1:20 pm
  18. Growing up, my family, too, moved around a lot. I had dear friends and when we moved the connection would be lost. The friendships I’ve been blessed with as an adult are precious to me. We’ve seen one another through much laughter and tears and are there in a heartbeat – or sooner! – if we’re needed. My daughter, having been born and raised in NYC, still has childhood friends she’s close to, as well as a community of cyber friends who enrich her experience of friendship and caring. I’ve been very lucky, Brigitte, to stumble upon your uplifting blog and that of many other wonderful bloggers. When I fretted that my daughter wasn’t spending enough time with “real” friends, and she argued that the people she connected with online were just as real, I was sceptical. Now, my experience mirrors hers and I understand. Thank you, dear friend Brigitte! xoxoM

    Posted by Margarita | October 22, 2012, 1:18 pm
    • I know what you mean, Margarita! I moved a lot — from the age of 18 through adulthood! Your daughter is blessed, it sounds. I know, isn’t it odd how we’ve all found each other? Ummm, there are not accidents, right? Your blog is also inspiring and uplifting to me, M and I mean that. You show me pics of the city that I wouldn’t know about and now I can go visit them. I’m blessed to have found your words and your wisdom and you are most definitely one of my treasured friends as well. Happy Monday! xxoo

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 1:23 pm
  19. I am fortunate to be counted as your friend. Even if it is in the digi-realm, you are tops in my book Brigitte! My circle of friends is small. I know who I can count on and I like it that way. I’m not in touch with high school friends and can’t imagine what it’s like to stay in one place. That’s the way it goes. I treasure friendship wherever I find it. 🙂

    Posted by Honie Briggs | October 22, 2012, 1:20 pm
    • Honie, I feel EXACTLY the same about you. You make me laugh and you are one of those people that are so real and you’re never shy about showing who you are. I too have a very small circle and that’s okay with me. I see people on television who have dinner parties with 200 “friends.” I don’t even KNOW 200 people. ha! I’m not in touch with my high school friends either…it seems so long ago and such a different me. Thank you, my dear friend — it’s been so nice getting to know you.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 1:26 pm
  20. Hello! I visited your site a while back, but I can’t recall leaving a comment for you! This post is so wonderful post this is. My first best friend was a Chinese girl in elementary school. We both had similar interest in drawing, although I envied her ability to copy e.g the Forever Friends bears and her light use of the pencil. My drawings were always messy with a bundle of lines together haha. When we had to go to high school we split up as I went to a different school. We stayed pen pals for a long time and then this stopped too. Not sure how we got back in touch again now…I think Facebook? Not sure though. Every now and then we meet up and it’s funny how much we know about each other, she recalls little things that I forgot about. We’re still good friends, although not best friends.

    Ah blogging gave the word “friends” such a new meaning to me. Many find it odd to call someone a friends who you never met, but really I couldn’t disagree more. I’ve gotten more support from the people I never met than from the people I do know. So yeah, I’m happy and grateful to call a bunch of readers my friend. And a few of them I adore so so much 🙂

    Really loved this peek in your past. Have a lovely day!! *waves*

    Posted by TJLubrano | October 22, 2012, 1:53 pm
    • Hi TJ,
      I’m guessing your friend must have inspired you somehow because your art is so beautiful! And the fact that you shared with me, this precious memory, I feel honored. I agree with you. My online friends have helped me through so much and I dare say they didn’t know they did. I am so fortunate to have the online community I have and then I find you! With your sweet words, wisdom and amazing artistic talent, I’m so glad you decided to stop by my blog where you are always welcome to express the way you feel. Thank you, Tj. I hope you will stop by again and thank you, friend.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 11:22 pm
      • Oh my goodness! I left so many silly typos in my comment -_-. This will teach me not to do like a gazillion things next to writing a comment haha.

        But, YOU are most welcome. I truly appreciate writers who open up and share personal stories. My entire journey of being an artist has been a personal one and even though I don’t expect my readers to share their thoughts/experiences…they do! I’m always amazed when readers open up as well. You’re post made me go back in time and wonder 🙂 I love it when that happens, especially since you lock away so many when you grow up. And I have to thank you for remembering something! I’d written a post a while back, about who inspired me when I was younger and I absolutely forgot about my best friend from the past. My style is a mix of Disney and Anime and she could re-draw Sailormoon and other girly anime things really well haha. So, a big thank you!

        And…I’m super happy to have found you too! *hugs!* and I will be back. (hehe!)

        Posted by TJLubrano | October 23, 2012, 10:00 am
      • I’m so glad, TJ and thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Look forward to reading your stuff as well. Don’t worry about the typos we all do it. :).

        Posted by Brigitte | October 23, 2012, 10:21 am
  21. Dear Brig,
    When I count blessings, my friends are at the top of my list. I enjoyed seeing your evolution of friendships.
    Mine was and is still my best friend, since the age of 6. I do realize how rare this is, believe me. I just got done chatting with her, as I do everyday. It’s her birthday today, and I truly celebrate her.
    She’s walked me through all the hard and wonderful parts of my life.
    Can there be any greater deed for someone to bestow on us?
    I think not.
    Grateful for you as well, dear Brigitte. Your words are centering to my often ragged and disconnected dispostion.
    Love, Lis

    Posted by Carr Party of Five | October 22, 2012, 3:33 pm
    • Hi Lis! So nice to hear from you. I was just about to email you to make sure everything was okay…good to know you’re good. I lost my best friend (he’s not here in the physical world) but I still talk to him. And you are right, there isn’t any greater deed. I’m glad that in some small way I “center” you. That’s enough. xxoo

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 11:35 pm
  22. hello friend! I do remember my first best friend. Her name was Gloria. Unfortunately things did not turn out so well for her. After that my best friend was Sue, again I’m not sure things turned out well for her. I seemed to pick friends that had a lot of personal problems. Maybe I sensed that and wanted to help. I don’t know. Right now. I really don’t have a best friend. My adult years I’ve moved around too much. I have some great online friends but it’s not quite the same is it? Huh. I will have to see about making a new best friend. Or not.

    Posted by JackieP | October 22, 2012, 4:46 pm
    • Hi FRIEND, sometimes that’s the way it works out, huh? I know what you mean by that, I do. I did that too. Maybe that’s what we supposed to be doing at the time — guiding someone — so that they could get to a better place. And then we find ourselves here, communicating and maybe with our words, we’re guiding someone to a better place. I’ve read your blogs and they inspire me so that’s a good thing. It isn’t the same, the online friend thing, but I still gain a new perspective and feel as if I’ve found a friend, as I have with you. Thank you, friend.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 11:43 pm
  23. These kinds of things are always bittersweet, no?
    I can identify with what you said about moving away, and a feeling of envy for those who stayed and went on having lives on which you had no bearing. I also moved away just before junior high, and although I’ve been back now for many years there’s always a bit of it that’s missing, a discontinuance that somehow makes the place not really mine.
    I do remember my first best friend; we’ve reunited on Facebook, and saw each other briefly a few years ago. We’re not close, but there’s a surprising amount of affection between us still.
    I’ve been blessed with a lot of really wonderful friends. The majority of them are from my college age years 18-24 or so. In college I ‘fell in with a good crowd,’ who helped me find the courage and strength to just be me, and who appreciated me for who I was and not what I could do for them. In turn, this helped me become a more likable person.
    I have had one abusive best friend in my life–that was during my early high school years. I stayed friends with him when I went away to college, but I understood what he was doing and forever walled off a part of myself to him. He stopped speaking to me about two years ago for reasons known only to him (mutual friends have tried to find out why). It makes me sad, because I don’t see him living to be an old man.

    Posted by Smaktakula | October 22, 2012, 6:03 pm
    • Ah, Smak they are indeed bittersweet! I had a friend, a guy, heterosexual friend, who was my BEST friend. He left my life suddenly (died) and not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. I was one of those females that always had guy friends. And yes, it can happen — a female that has a best guy friend. I always liked the male perspective of getting pissed off and getting over it and being friends. The good, great friends in my life accepted me, as I was, whatever I was going through, for what I was, who I am. It doesn’t surprise me that you’ve experienced the same. Despite your smartass exterior and what you have to say, I like you. And I know people. You are good people, my friend and every time you take the time to comment on my blog, you do so with intellect, compassion and love. And I so dig that. Thank you, my friend.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 11:53 pm
  24. I’m one of the lucky ones who is still friends with my first best friend. We met in kindergarten, and let’s just say that was some time ago. 🙂 Even though we don’t live close together, we can pick up where we left off when we do get together. Thank heaven for phones, email, and FB for keeping up in between. 🙂

    Posted by jmmcdowell | October 22, 2012, 7:55 pm
    • JM, that doesn’t surprise me. You may not know this but when I post I so look forward to hearing from you. You always leave such kind comments and when I post something, (even when was that Canadica post) you take the time to weigh in and say something positive. When you do that, I know that I written something that appeals to the creative and to the intellect. Thank you, my friend.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 22, 2012, 11:59 pm
  25. Brig, this online community we have heard is made better by you. I also count you among my friends even though we’ve never met face-to-face. In like what you said about choosing your friends as an adult. It is a lot harder to make friends once you’re out of school, but I’ve found that the ones I’ve made in my adulthood are so wonderful.

    While we are on the subject of best friends, I thought I’d introduce you to my real best friend (or Besfrinn as we like to call each other!): krugthethinker.com. You remind me a lot of her!

    Posted by The Waiting | October 22, 2012, 9:11 pm
    • Em, thank you! What a nice thing to say. You and I have that Memphis Thang in common, don’t we? I bet we’ve visited the same restaurants and bars there, yes? Thank you for yet another friend and I will visit her, my friend. 🙂

      Posted by Brigitte | October 23, 2012, 12:02 am
  26. I’m glad to call you my friend, Brigitte. This WP community is definitely a surprising but totally gratifying place for making new friends! I made my first best friend in 1st grade and we remained so until I had to move away to Socal. We lost touch until college, when I recognized her again after being introduced by my roommate. Talk about coincidences! In general, I don’t make friends lightly (Scorpio, remember?) so when I do, I tend to hold onto them no matter how far we’re separated. Even now, when I’m an ocean away from all my friends, the ones I still keep in touch with are the ones I consider my true friends who wholly and unconditionally accept me for me.
    A thoughtful and inspiring post as always, Brigitte! 🙂

    Posted by lillianccc | October 22, 2012, 10:06 pm
    • Hi Lillian, I call you my friend too! I’m like you. You either love me for who I am or you don’t. When I read your posts, I always think, this is someone who I’d like to know more. My friend. As always, thank you L, for taking the time to read and comment. Your blog is so wonderful and so inspiring!

      Posted by Brigitte | October 23, 2012, 12:14 am
  27. It is more important to have real friends who love and accept you for exactly who you are.

    Posted by reptilesintheicecream | October 23, 2012, 12:55 am
  28. My first best friend moved to America when we were about 7, so we fell out of touch. I also envy the people who stay in the same place for years, but I’m happy that I moved away because it’s given me so many new opportunities to make real friends. Hairy started out as the friend who totally got me and made me feel good, and now we’ve been together for nearly two years.
    I never thought that by getting into blogging I would make friends, but in sharing so much you really care what other people think. I love catching up on your blog 🙂

    Posted by runesandrhinestones | October 23, 2012, 5:09 am
    • Hi R&R — nice to see you back again! You know, you’re right about that — the moving around thing. It does allow you to meet all kinds of people and sounds as if you hadn’t traveled and met just exactly who you were supposed to! What a great story and thanks for sharing it with me. I never thought I would blog, much less make so many friends — but that’s what happened and I so appreciate when you do stop by and catch up on my blog. Thank you, friend. 🙂

      Posted by Brigitte | October 23, 2012, 8:17 am
  29. Surely you don’t want to read a bazillionth comment…but I swear we must be soul sisters 🙂 Or at least on the same wavelength. I have also been thinking about friendship – seeing how my attitude has evolved over the years. It’s most interesting. I had a best friend from 7 – 24, when we stopped talking to each other. For 10 years. We got back in contact only this year. She is also tan with dark hair, and I always seem to be attracted to girls who look like this. I have been learning about who my friends are and what I need from a friendship – and I figure it is this: honesty, integrity, ‘realness’ and that they love me. That’s it 🙂

    Posted by sarafoley | October 23, 2012, 6:43 am
    • Sara, doesn’t matter and of course I want to read your comment, bazillionith or not. Ha! That’s cool — soul sisters! I look forward to your post on this subject. You have dark hair as well, don’t you? My Mom does too. I wonder if that has anything to do with it — unconsciously maybe? What you’re described as friendship — that pretty much sums it up! Thank you, my friend and thank you for your comment!

      Posted by Brigitte | October 23, 2012, 8:20 am
  30. I don’t remember my first best friend, arghh! That is so bad of me! Yet I know they are hard to come by. I feel honoured and lucky to have two; Sue I met when I was 8 and we have been through everything together, and Jay my loving and long suffering boyfriend of too many years to mention! Friendship is fleeting, but true connection is gift that will remain with you always!

    Posted by The Savvy Senorita | October 23, 2012, 8:47 am
    • Hi SS, nah, that’s okay. We don’t always remember everything, right? That’s a nice way to look at it and true, friendship can be fleeting but true connections last — always. Thank you and hope you’ll stop by again.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 24, 2012, 10:46 am
      • Hi Brigitte, thanks for the response. Yeah true! Thanks for that; connections are certainly something special in life. Of course I will; I enjoy discovering and reading new blogs!

        Posted by The Savvy Senorita | October 24, 2012, 7:21 pm
  31. Now that it’s Tuesday, I feel compelled to read your Monday banter Brigitte … When I moved from the West Coast to the East 30 years ago, time and distance took its toll, but my best friend from when I was still going to college in the Bay Area remains one of my closest friends for almost 35 years and counting. I feel very lucky about that.

    I appreciate my online acquaintances very much, but I’m old school, the friends I hang with in this miserable place called the real world are those that are dearest to me. That said, I have enjoyed meeting people I’ve met via my blog very much and hope to eventually meet more of them. It’s such a drag one cannot just email oneself halfway around the world and meet at will — just beam ourselves in and out.

    Posted by lameadventures | October 23, 2012, 5:06 pm
    • Hi V, well I replying on a Wednesday so looks like it all worked out. That is something — a friendship enduring both time and distance! There are just those kind of people that you connect with on a very deep level and sounds as if your friend and you are like that. I prefer the “real thing” as well, but it’s nice to make connections this way as well. Never thought I would but there you go for thinking, huh? Seems as if our world is getting more and more like the Jetson’s so maybe that beam thing will work out eventually. ;). Thanks, V.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 24, 2012, 10:49 am
  32. I’m sorry I’m commenting on Tuesday.. Monday was a complete rat-race @ work.. I can say with all honesty it’s people like you and your generosity that have made my blogging time so enjoyable. You are without a doubt a class A lady.. It’s a pleasure to know you 🙂

    Posted by free penny press | October 23, 2012, 7:47 pm
    • Lynne, no apologies necessary — ever. I’ll take your insight and input any time you want to give it! And I’m not responding to your nice comment until Wednesday! What a wonderful thing to say to me — and I’m not just saying this, I feel the same about you and your posts. They’re always so beautiful — with your pictures and your prose — and always, always with a loving and positive message or feeling about them. That’s class, my friend and thank you so much for following my musings — so glad I found/follow yours.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 24, 2012, 10:57 am
  33. I look forward to your Monday Musings. They’re always so interesting and encourage lots of comments. Speaking of which, how do you find time to reply to so many? Over the years, my best friend from year 1 (we’re now 38) and I have never lived close by but we’ve kept in contact with phone calls, emails and visits. Now that we live only 40 mins away from each other we catch up frequently and it’s great. I have also got best friends from highschool who I live near and we are always there for each other – listening to each others’ problems and helping when kids are sick etc. Then after having children I also made some wonderful new friends through mother’s group, play group, kindy and school.

    Posted by rachel's book nook | October 23, 2012, 10:23 pm
    • Hi Rachel — well thank you and I’m glad you do. I just find the time to reply — here and there. I’m sure other bloggers have far more comments than mine. I figure if people take the time to read and comment, I need to find the time to respond! That’s nice you have so many friends “who knew you when” nearby. And I can see how you have those bonds with other women who are also moms — sometimes those common threads grown into lasting and forever kind of friendships — always nice! Thank you, Rachel.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 24, 2012, 10:51 am
  34. your posts are always so thoughtful, and make me reflect on similar things that have happened in my life–I am glad to call you my friend–and I will take mature friendship any day

    Posted by on thehomefrontandbeyond | October 24, 2012, 12:00 pm
  35. After NameRedacted left, I withdrew from life quite a bit, finding more peace hiding away in my house (and always surprised when I found other people shopping at 2AM–wondering what were they doing out at that hour, not questioning they may be just like me) for a few years. I distanced myself from my friends–some stayed at a distance, some were patient and waited for me to come back outside again. I’ve had two of those patient, dear friends for over 30 years, and they’ve been good years.

    I’ve met a number of people via the internet, and, like you, I follow their lives via their blogs, enjoying their lives–laughing, worrying, crying on occasion–finding myself involved with people who are typed words and a little avatar. Funny how we adapt to our environment. I’m with Lisa–I’d like to meet up with a group, even though I fear I’d be quiet and hidden behind some potted palm, even if I had to bring the palm with me. “Excuse me m’am, is that your carry on?” “Yes, I never go anywhere without my potted palm.”

    I’ve no idea how to end this, so, I’ll just put a period and be done.

    Posted by Addie | October 24, 2012, 2:10 pm
    • I don’t know who NameRedacted is, but I think we all do that — withdraw for reasons known only to ourselves and that’s okay. We all do what we need to do in order to get strength and come back again, right? But, it says so much about your character and you, as a person, that you have those friendships and that they were willing to be patient. Doesn’t matter if you have to hide behind a potted plant or not, I’m sure that if the group of us do ever meet we’ll all be okay with whatever each of us need to bring to bring our true selves there. Now, I’m rambling, but thank you, Addie for your wonderful comment — it’s so appreciated.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 24, 2012, 2:44 pm
      • NameRedacted is the code name for the father of my children, who left us for someone I thought was a friend.

        It was kinder than calling him some of the many other names I would use in my head back then.

        Posted by Addie | October 24, 2012, 2:46 pm
      • Ohhhh, that’s very nice of you to do that, Addie and very civil. ;).

        Posted by Brigitte | October 24, 2012, 2:47 pm
  36. This really made me smile! I moved around sooo much as a child, it was a little tough for me to make close friendships. The ones I did though, I’m very fortunate to still call friends.

    I live in a small town now where I don’t have many face to face friends other than my zoo, but I absolutely love all the friends that live in my computer!

    I have learned a valuable lesson that if you want good friends, BE a good friend. Thank you for being a good friend to so many. You make this world a nicer place!

    Posted by runningonsober | October 25, 2012, 1:01 am
    • Hi Christy, that’s nice and I’m so glad it did — make you smile. And I love that — if you want to have a good friend, be one. That’s the absolute truth and thank you for being my friend and for your incredibly nice comment.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 25, 2012, 10:19 am
  37. This is sweet. I appreciate the transitions and shifts that you talk about. A long lasting friendship is a valuable thing, but difficult to maintain when moves across state lines and time apart have been thrown in the mix. It is really nice as an adult to watch friendships grow and see the people that we attract change. Nice reflective post. (:

    Posted by Pigeon Heart | October 25, 2012, 10:23 am
    • Hi PH, thank you! And yes, I agree with you about friendship. As we mature and grow, so do the friends we choose to spend our time with do. Glad you enjoyed the post and thank you for your nice comment. Welcome! Hope you’ll stop by again.

      Posted by Brigitte | October 25, 2012, 11:38 am
  38. Thank you, and you’re my best friend.

    Posted by Jeff Surette | October 25, 2012, 10:57 am
  39. Terrific post!

    Posted by elenacaravela | October 25, 2012, 2:33 pm
  40. You have been nominated for the Liebster Award. To learn about the rules for this award, please go to http://changeforbetterme.wordpress.com/. Congrats!

    Posted by JackieP | October 25, 2012, 4:20 pm
  41. Another great post. I met one of my very best friends in the 7th grade and we are best friends to this day AND her name is Trish!!! And she has dark brown hair and olive skin. Hmmmm…..

    Posted by Maggie O'C | October 25, 2012, 6:20 pm
  42. Hey Brigitte — I didn’t see an email address for you so I thought I’d message you here. If you do decide to come to the reading, plan to arrive around 9:30pm to find parking. Talk to you later!


    Posted by Sword-chinned bitch | October 25, 2012, 8:14 pm
  43. I’m one of those odd ones who stayed in the same town for most of my life…except for a brief 6 months or so. I still live in surrounding areas of South Florida, as I have for all of my life. I have only one of my high school friends remainding here, and we continue to be good friends with one another. Oddly, I only attended one of our class reunions.

    Posted by thehealthywarrior | October 27, 2012, 9:55 am
  44. My first best friend is still the person I turn to in a crisis or when I need a good laugh. It’s very reassuring to still have her in my life and I’m seeing her this weekend.

    Posted by findyourdreamjob | October 31, 2012, 3:25 am
  45. bridges, such a good post. i often feel like i know you too through your writing and another cool thing about it is that it really makes me like you. i have an ironing board on my exercise bicycle right now with my computer on it, as i write this to you. i’m not kidding. so, i’m going to go before i have an accident. but, wonderful post. truly. xo, sm

    Posted by Rebecca "Sweet Mother" Donohue | March 4, 2013, 8:24 pm
    • Hey Becks, thank you. I like you back and have since I found you. Hope that ironing board, exercise bike thing worked out and you survived, unscathed. ha! Thanks so much for stopping in, friend.

      Posted by Brigitte | March 5, 2013, 7:20 am
  46. I think in a lot of ways, my blogging friends know me better than some in real life! These days, there’s not as much time for sharing since everyone’s in a rush. Blogging can be very revealing. I have met up with some bloggers and we felt like we already knew each other. It was very cool!
    Thanks for bringing this to the party!
    Have fun clicking on links and introducing yourself!

    Posted by susielindau | March 28, 2013, 11:21 am
    • I know exactly what you mean, Susie. Maybe it’s the autonomy blogging affords us so that we can be real — ? And yes, everyone is always in a rush. That’s very cool you’ve met up with bloggers and even better that you/they were as you thought you’d be in “real” life. Thank you, Susie!

      Posted by Brigitte | March 28, 2013, 1:47 pm
    • It was awesome meeting up with you, Susie, and I look forward to the next time. You’re the same in person as you are on your blog. It’s wonderful to know you!

      Posted by lynnkelleyauthor | March 28, 2013, 5:40 pm
  47. I can relate to this post in so many ways. My family moved around a lot when I was a kid, so I’ve had many, many best friends. I’ve made some lifelong friends that I’ve met online, and like Susie, I’ve been fortunate to meet up with some of them in person.

    Posted by lynnkelleyauthor | March 28, 2013, 6:09 pm
    • Hi Lynn, the older one gets the harder it is to make friends. Not sure why that is other than the fact everyone is so busy. How great that you and Susie have met — her blog is so great and she seems like such a fun and positive person. As do you — thank you for stopping in!

      Posted by Brigitte | March 29, 2013, 11:07 am


  1. Pingback: In a Year’s Time. . . « Brigitte's Banter - January 31, 2013

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